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Individual Psychotherapy, Motivation by admin April 4, 2024 0Comments

Motivation

Written by: Nigel Edokpolo (Registered Psychotherapist- Qualifying)

When we think of motivation, we think of things that empower us to tackle everyday tasks or larger-than-life challenges. Movies and TV Shows are prime examples; whether it is Star Wars, Game of Thrones, Pokémon, or Rocky, there is an underlying message of what motivation means for that person and how it influences them throughout their experience. Take a step back while reading and think about what motivates you. Want fuels you in different areas of your life?

Motivation itself is not one-dimensional, as it is almost like a living person and can change from event to event and person to person. An example of this is students studying hard and working to become a doctor, one may do it for the money, but the other for prestige and title. Everyone has their own method of motivation, such as

Money
Success
Status
one’s future
competition
family
loved ones
regret
pain
aspiration’s

Motivation is something that can change rapidly, such as one day being motivated to go to the gym because you want to look good, wanting to look like a Victoria’s Secret model or wanting to look like a professional boxer and with only a couple of weeks you now want to continue. After all, you like the feeling of the changes within your body; now, your motivation has changed. Where does motivation come from the question mark and that is a tricky question because one could say that it comes from deep within us and our desires, another might say it’s from our environment in seeing what others have and another person might say it is the environment and the people around you that shape what your motivation wants to be.

There are points in our lives and even while reading this, you may find that you don’t have motivation. You find it hard to get out of bed, go to work or the gym, or even find pleasure in things you used to do, like hanging out with friends, playing video games, and spending time with your pets. A lack of motivation can stem from mental illness such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar and various other mental health concerns. If you’re reading this and you can relate to what is being said, what comes next might surprise you, but you do have motivation; it’s just currently that your other emotions are heightened, so it is difficult for that motivation to fuel you. If you are reading up until this part, yes, you could be an avid reader, but you could also be someone who was looking to help motivate themselves and if you are already this far into this blog, you’re already taking steps. Motivation doesn’t have to be that day when you feel better and can go and do all the things you love. Taking time for yourself builds up tolerance and building strategies to help position yourself where your motivation can allow you to get back to where you want to be. Below are some examples of what can help with motivation.

Setting smaller ACHIEVABLE goals The row today. When we set one larger goal up for ourselves and we don’t complete it, it is natural to feel bummed out or upset about it.
Breaking down goals. Instead of having one larger goal, as mentioned in the point before, break that down into smaller steps. In doing so, you will achieve your larger goal but just with more steps.
Remembering baby steps count. Sometimes, we don’t give ourselves enough credit for doing the simple basic things such as going to work or walking the dog.
Journaling. Making a note of achievements over a period of time can help you feel a bit more motivated; where if six days out of the week you weren’t able to accomplish your goal but one day you were able to, you’re able to look back and see that you were able to accomplish it at one point.

Setting smaller ACHIEVABLE goals The row today. When we set one larger goal up for ourselves and we don’t complete it, it is natural to feel bummed out or upset about it.
Breaking down goals. Instead of having one larger goal, as mentioned in the point before, break that down into smaller steps. In doing so, you will achieve your larger goal but just with more steps.
Remembering baby steps count. Sometimes, we don’t give ourselves enough credit for doing the simple basic things such as going to work or walking the dog.
Journaling. Making a note of achievements over a period of time can help you feel a bit more motivated; where if six days out of the week you weren’t able to accomplish your goal but one day you were able to, you’re able to look back and see that you were able to accomplish it at one point.

Motivation is an important part of therapy, which is why there are several strategies for working with a lack of motivation. If you’re thinking, “It’s silly to go to therapy because I don’t feel motivated because other people have larger problems,” that is not true. That is a part of you that is trying to block the motivation. Scheduling A consultation, showing up to your session and just talking to someone are all forms of motivation for you to get back to the person you want to be.

QUOTE

It is the knowledge that I am going to die that creates the focus that I bring to being alive, the urgency of accomplishment, the need to express love – now, not later. If we live forever, why ever even get out of bed in the morning?

Passions and motivations change, which is normal, just like asking for a bit of help and having you rediscover old motivations and passions. If you finished reading this blog, I do hope you found a little bit, even 1% more motivation, to accomplish whatever you have on your mind.

Couples Therapy by admin March 4, 2024 0Comments

Benefits of Couples Therapy

Written by: Nigel Edokpolo (Registered Psychotherapist- Qualifying)

There are problems and difficulties in all relationships, and sometimes everything can seem too overwhelming. The thought process of “if we cannot fix our problems, no one else can” is a thing of the past; now, couples of all ages and genders are able to seek assistance within their relationship as a step toward bettering themselves. The primary goal of couples therapy isn’t to prove who was right and who was wrong each and every week. It’s to prove to one another that disagreement in arguments may happen, but how can we understand that the problem at hand is not one another but the problem itself, whether that be a difference in lifestyle, the difference in ideals, or just likes and dislikes. Fears or common parts when trying therapy out and, of course, when you consider couples therapy that may become doubled from the fear of yourself, and now your partner and or three fears with yourself your partner end the relationship and those worries can turn into stressors, anxieties may start funnelling negative thoughts through your head. Still, I’m here to tell you that those feelings are valid, but you should also consider the opposite, the benefits of couples therapy.

• Allows for an objective third party to hear both sides of the story while being able to stay impartial, unlike friends and family.

• A professional and or professional in training with qualified skills in different therapy styles to help problem solve and find the root of the cause.

• A safe, nonjudgmental environment where you can feel comfortable to express all of your opinions.

• Teaches skills so that in the future, you and your partner will be better equipped to handle arguments or fights without attending therapy.

Therapy is not forever; some people, based on their circumstances, may attend therapy for several years, but it is temporary. The purpose of individual and couples sessions is to provide skills that can be used regularly and give people a sense of empowerment and, in particular, for the purposes of this blog, that empowerment of couples. Throughout couples therapy, there are times for you to be vulnerable and express concerns that alone might be difficult or sensitive to discuss. These issues can boil down to masculine norms, gender norms, sexual identity, financial stability, etc.

Couples therapy can be thought-provoking and eye-awakening as this gives the opportunity to learn more about your partner’s wants and needs. Maybe before, they needed to be more comfortable with call exploration of who you are with and what you can do to better provide for them and yourself. Throughout couple therapy, the individual interest is as important as the couples. In contrast, the couple is the main focus; it does not mean that you as a person are excluded as your thoughts and feelings are valued. People sometimes fear airing their “dirty laundry” and the issue of being judged, but in couples therapy, it’s the reinforcement that IT IS you and your partner against the problem. It can be scary, and it will be tough, but nothing good ever comes easy, as the expression goes.

Working together collaboratively can be used as an activity the both of you are trying to build. Another way to view it can be seen as a cooperative board game where you and your partner have to overcome obstacles and hurdles to win, and the prize is a deeper understanding and appreciation of one another. All coupes have fights and problems, just like all individuals have internal discords and you learn more about yourself in these moments. There are various types of couples and just because you feel that your relationship does not fit others around or your definition does not mean it is wrong, yet unique.

“A great relationship is about two things. First, appreciating the similarities and Second, respecting the differences.”

Having different opinions on matters does not mean right and wrong; it is about expressing yourself respectably and healthily. In couples therapy, we look towards improving strengths and highlighting what works well in the relationship. It is not always what is wrong and what needs to be worked on, as each of you brings in positives and strengths, which is used in couples therapy to highlight the resilience of your relationship. Relationships are not easy, nor is couples therapy. Still, you only get somewhere by trying and in couples therapy, it is just another level of trying to improve with the one you cherish

Self-Care by admin March 4, 2024 0Comments

Filling One’s Cup

Written by: Nigel Edokpolo (Registered Psychotherapist- Qualifying)

The term filling one’s cup is a term used often and I give credit to one of my clients I work with for using this term as it is quite important to discuss. Filling one’s cup refers to making time for oneself and enjoying things that bring you happiness. Sounds easy. I want you to stop and think about what brings you happiness and think how many things you partake in that make you feel happy and how often. As we grow up, more and more that happens less and less and we learn that other things become a priority while doing what we love and has filled us with joy is pushed away and replaced by the labours of adult life. But who decided that? Who taught us that? Please take a moment and reflect on where we all came to believe that we have to put ourselves last and our enjoyment behind everything else.

Everyone has different ways of filling their cup, and no one can tell you what is good for you, but you, as no two people, even twins, are the same. Is filling your cup that important? What are some benefits?

Helps recover from burnout and stress.
Provides relaxation for your body physically.
Allows you to live in the present moment, not thinking about the past or future
Is a form of self-care mentally and emotionally

Throughout our lives, we continue to find things we enjoy. Yet, aspects of work, relationships, bills, family and various other responsibilities get put before ourselves, and while sometimes that has to come first, it does not mean we have to come last. Think about it: Would you put your partner or your rent last? If you answered no, why are you so different? As people, we tend to find excuses to perform other tasks rather than put ourselves first. In doing so, we sometimes trick ourselves into believing that doing something for your loved ones, family, friends, or even work can fill your cup. And of course, at times, this can be true, but it almost becomes a placebo effect and while it’s good for a period of time, eventually, it catches up and that is why making time for oneself to fill your cup is important and it does not have to be an hour or two every single day mind you. Being mindful of the time you have and using that to fill your cup is an active strategy that people undervalue. Consider being at work during a long stressful ship and on your lunch, you decide, instead of taking your full hour to eat, you eat for 45 minutes and then take a 15-minute walk. If walking is not filling your cup, listen to music; if not music, listen to a podcast. Making the best out of the time you have to fill your cup is an important skill that involves mindfulness, which is being in the present moment with your thoughts and focusing on the things in the here and now for oneself.

Quote

Fill up your cup own cup so that you can overflow into the lives of others.

Only the person reading this knows how to fill the wrong cup; as time goes on, we learn to develop interests and hobbies that are exclusive to us and a bonus appears when we find people similar with certain hobbies and enjoyments and that is why looking for ways to continue to find happiness and enjoyment in your life should be a part of everyday life. Thinking every person reading this has their own activities that they like that will fill their own cup and at this point, I would like all of you reading just to take a moment and think what do I like to do that makes me feel happy or good? I’m sure you can think of a couple of things and maybe even rank them.

Going on a run
Cooking
Playing videogames
Watching soccer
Cleaning the floors
Smoking weed
Hanging out with friends
Bowling
Movie night with loved ones
Having a picnic
Star gazing
Listening/recording music

With everything listed, how many items can you check off in your list? Do you partake in any of these and if they are aspects of your life, do you find meaning behind them or take them for granted? An example like listening to music could be brushed aside, but when we are in turn with our interests, it can have a powerful effect on us as people, so next time you listen to Adele rolling in the deep, be in the moment and not in the future or past and see how you feel afterwards.

Stress by admin February 18, 2024 0Comments

Stress Management

Written by: Nigel Edokpolo (Registered Psychotherapist- Qualifying)

Stress is an everyday part of our lives and can be detrimental to our health at times, but on the other hand, it can also be beneficial and how you use your stress will determine how someone comes out of a situation.

When people hear the word stress, they think of typically negative aspects relating to it, such as having to write a test, finishing a 20-page paper, paying rent, cleaning the house, and the championship game. Even more, stress can be related to the more minor things in life, such as trying to beat a boss in a video game, the anticipation of the serial killer in movies, and having the school call your parents. Some of you reading this can relate to this type of stress and understand that it’s not enjoyable, nor is it beneficial. But stress can also be positive, such as the examples below.

The birth of a child
A Job interview for one’s dream job
Deciding where to vacation
Buying a new car
Starting a new relationship

Everyone reading this currently has their different way of dealing with types of stress; even if we look at an example of preparing for a test, some people will study for hours, some people study the night before cause some people study the day of and during the test people may exhibit behaviours of stress such as sweating coughing, rapid breathing, eye twitches and various other behaviours, but not everyone exhibits the same thing behaviours.

Quote

It’s not stress that kills us; it’s our reaction to it.

Normalizing stress is important to understanding that we will all be stressed at various points in our lives, but the reaction is what gives or takes power away from us. Stress management is a common phrase you have probably heard prior to reading this wherein you use tools such as time management, graphing, note taking, reminders and other methods that allow for the management of concerns one is undergoing. What are the benefits of stress management tools?

Time management: Becoming secure with allotting certain tasks for a certain amount of time can help with a reduction of anxiety and stress.

Note-taking: This allows you to prioritize tasks and assign a hierarchy of most important to least important in a visual manner.

Graphing: Similar to note-taking, it allows for an artistic visual that can provide insight into areas of stress and help prioritize what someone views as most important, such as using a pie graph.

Reminders: Setting alerts on your phone, marking days and times on your fridge calendar, sticky notes around the home, and sticky notes app on the computer to pop up every time you log on.

While stress management is proactive, sometimes stress can be unexpected and take us by surprise, but referring back to the quote, it is the REACTION that harms us, which is why being proactive is not enough; being reactive is a part of the strategy to help cope.

Stress reduction

You may typically hear about stress reduction in counselling, but it is very much individualized and easy to incorporate into your own lives without having to attend therapy. Stress reduction is an opportunity for individuals to reduce bodily and emotional tension. We tend to think of stress just with our minds, but our bodies can and will take a toll if we neglect ourselves and we all have a responsibility to ourselves to partake in self-care. What does stress reduction look like and include you may ask?

Exercise: Physical movement is beneficial under stress and naturally for the body, which can be going for a jog, boxing, basketball, tennis, yoga, weight lifting, etc.
Meditation: Thinking exercises that involves focusing on the present moment and being in tune with oneself. This can be done in a quiet room, focusing on the positives and blocking the negatives for 15-45 minutes.
Relaxation training: Relaxation is noticing the stress in all parts of one’s body. While better with a therapist to assist, it is still managing oneself by taking deep breaths, recognizing where the stress feels predominant, and then relaxing that part of the body.

The benefits of stress management and reduction are important to our everyday lives and as individuals, we try to control our stress and when it happens, but sometimes it leads us to more stress. There are times in life that we cannot control and can lead to our stress, but remember that stress can be good or bad; it can also be terrible, harmful, annoying, mediocre, etc. It just depends on how YOU react to the stress at hand.

Motivation

QUOTE

Benefits of Couples Therapy

Filling One’s Cup

Stress Management

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