Jean Christie was born on November 12th, 1964. Jean was someone special to a lot of people, but no one more than myself (Nigel) her son. My mom always demonstrated kindness, compassion and love to all those around her more so than to herself. Jean always had a smile on her face and would have those around her smile and laugh whether it was making dirty jokes, poking fun at myself, laughing at herself, she always tried her best to ensure those around her were filled with all the love they required and more.

Jean Christie was born in Nova Scotia, but did not truly know her birth family until into the later part of her life. My mother had anything but a “normal” life growing up with experiencing trauma from a very early age. My mother never spoke about these incidents to anyone and only on occasions would a grief burst occur and I would hear her speak about the sexual and physical abuse. She was in pain, but behind that smile no one knew just how much. Not even myself. Shame, Grief, Guilt are all feelings that she held tight to her chest every day that not even I could heal or try to understand and help. She was strong for me and others.

Jean Christie did not have much going for her with only high school education thus, making the prospect of finding a well paying job difficult for her and she did anything she could from working with young adults with developmental disabilities, washing dishes, cleaning colleges overnight, door to door selling, working as a cleaner in restaurants and lastly an order picker for Longos. My mom worked hard to provide for herself and myself and had to rely on her sister and unemployment at times for security. My mom did not have a lot, but she always told me, that she had me and that was more than enough than she could ever have asked.

My mom at points could not pay rent, could not afford clothes for myself or her, food at points were difficult, but she always tried to give me the world. Even at times at Christie I’d watch her cry because she could not afford to buy me gifts and either I would not receive any, or my aunt would step in and ensure that I had gifts as a child. As a young child one does not understand… but I did. My mom with her shame, guilt, grief now had disappointment and failure as a mother on her shoulders. A mom who thought of herself as a failure, in my eyes was the hardest working best mom ever. How beautiful she made my life, but for her “I’m sorry i can’t give you the world. I’m sorry Nige.”

My mom Jean, was loved by all those she interacted with and never let mistakes happen twice. While not highly educated Jean learned from her “mistakes” and her troubles and so within the next several years of her life she moved out with me into a one bedroom and worked her butt off to provide for herself and me. At that point, I started to see true happiness within my mom and that came with waking up early to play FarmVille with her facebook friends for 2-4 hours in the morning before work or adopting 1-3 cats, or watching multiple different animes when she got home from work, going out to popeyes for their biscuits, burger king for their chicken sandwich and Tim Hortons for her large ice cap each morning before work.

She was never one to shy away from helping me with homework, but was not much help as she would say and laugh. Jean understood what her sregnthens and weaknesses were and that’s what helped her build herself up to a person that people would constantly want to talk with her and spend time with her. While that made her happy she preferred to be home with the cats, her laptop for anime and FarmVille and to spend time with myself.

My mom while never having much money to her name would often donate to multiple charities such as WWF, Red Cross, Sick Kids and others and when asked because I knew her financial situation she told me “it’s the right thing to do.” Nothing more,nothing less. Just to give back and help those even when you need help was something I picked up from her by observing.

Where there is light… there is dark and that part came after my mom with her smoking catching up to her and causing her to develop a weaker immune system throughout her years. Jean also developed skin cancer at a young age and stated it was from smoking starting at the age 13 with her friends that she regrets. Time went on and things became more difficult with Jean losing her job and having to go on unemployment and depend on me for income which hurt her ever to ask me for money.

While things got better, they also became worse with Jean developing rheumatoid arthritis making certain jokes she was once able to partake in now unavailable to her limiting her resources even more. Jean’s health continued to worsen with her diabetes becoming worse and needing to begin to use Insulin to help with her sugar levels. My mom was continuously fighting with trying to pay rent, find a job, pay for her insulin to survive and medication for her arthritis.

More and More, I would witness my mom breaking down and crying about how things were and not being able to provide a life for herself or me, having to depend on me for rent, groceries, car insurance, and buying a car. Even though I wanted to help as her child, I could not fully understand. 2017 things began to change with Jen finding a good job that gave her benefits to afford her medication and insulin, pay for rent and groceries and give her a sense of confidence within herself that she was in control again. Jean took hold of that and ran with it for as long as she could.

In 2019, Jean Christie stopped running.

At this point in my life, I had decided to move out with my partner in October and would check up on my mom every so often and visit her. In December of that year my partner and I stopped by on Christmas to see her and to our surprise my mom looked very ill. My mom as mentioned previously always had a weak immune system, but even now she looked bad. When asked she stated it was nothing more than a bad cold how she would normally get and said she was fine. I was suspesious but as I’ve seen her sick like this before and I saw she was taking cold medicine I decided to let it go. Told her I loved her and left. No more than a day do I receive a message asking for ginger ale to which I ask my partner to bring as I have work and it began from there.

As I went to work, my partner called me in a panic no more than an hour into my shift at 7am stating my mom could barely breathe and was having difficulties breathing. My partner told her they would be going to the hospital but my mom refused. I told asked to speak with my mom and heard how she sounded and never more in my life have I been scared but strong as I told her to put on her clothes and shoes and she would be going and that is what happened. My partner updated me as time went on as I continued to get more and more worried I left work to go see her. Once I arrived I could see how bad her condition was in. I had asked her what happened and it was then she revealed she was not taking her insulin, not eating well, smoking more than usual. We made her as comfortable as possible, but the doctors informed us she would have to stay overnight and so I grabbed her stuff told her we’d be back and I loved her.

The days to come I would visit and talk to her mother and even though she was weak and couldn’t talk, she could understand. She asked to leave, I said no; she asked to drink, I said she couldn’t; she asked to eat, I said it was not possible; she asked to see the cats, and I said only in photos. It was heartbreaking for her. I remember getting her to smile and cry once when I told her I was going to propose to my partner. I said I would wait until she got better and told her to keep fighting. She spent the new year in the hospital fighting until I was told they needed to perform a tracheotomy on my mother to breathe as she had fallen unconscious due to lack of oxygen. Every day or two, I would go and visit my mother, stand and talk with her, tell her that I’m here and we will get through this.

Eventually my mother woke up, and I rushed to the hospital only to see that her motor functions had decreased, her communication skills diminished, and her strength only could raise a finger or two. The doctors informed me that her full recovery does not seem possible and while her motor functions and strength can improve she will never be able to work again and will need to be on assisted living. But all I heard was recovery. Jean is a fighter and she showed that with doing physiotherapy, gaining strength back, but understanding that there was damage to her understanding and power of attorney needed to get involved. Every day or every two days back to visit to check on her things were hopeful until March 3rd 2020 when I received a phone call stating my mom had stopped breathing and I rushed out of class jumped in the car and drove to the hospital and arriving outside of the ICU were my mom was at for the last 3 months.

Once there, the counsellor explained to me what happened and after what felt like an eternity, the doctor came out and informed me my mom had died. My heart disappeared and I stood there in the hallway slightly and the next thing I remember is a nurse running out to say that she was breathing again and the doctor ran back inside. Another eternity felt like it passed and the doctor came out and said it was a miracle, but she was breathing again. My heart felt whole for a moment until the doctor told me due to the incident, my mom was brain-dead and should be pulled off life support. I asked to see her and went inside to hold her hand as I stood there I could see… my mom was gone and I asked her “tell me what you want mom and I will do it for you.” Then it happened a very slight squeeze of my hand and that was my mom telling me to prepare and she was still here. I told the doctor no and left that day.

The next day on March 4th, 2020 I went back into the hospital and held her hand again and called to her to squeeze my hand… there was no response. Jean Christie had so little strength, but the biggest Heart that she gave me the strength I needed to make the decision. I spoke to the doctors that it was time and they asked me if I wanted to leave but I stayed and held her hand throughout it all as I watched her skin colour fade and draw her last breathe. On March 4th, 2020 at 2:04pm Jean Christie, my mom had passed away.

My mom, Jean Christie Left an impression on all of those around her. The news of her passing Sent shockwave to cross our family her friends, her coworkers and even the Tim Hortons people that used to service her. It was painful for everyone but it must have been most painful for herself. The helper Became the helpless, the amount of guilt she must have felt in that moment one can only begin to imagine.

But the legacy my mother left behind was that no matter the conditions you were born into, you can always help someone. You can always put a smile on someone’s face. Can always reach out and try to help someone. Jean Christie was not ready to reach out for help herself, and unfortunately, in doing so, it was too late, but what if she had? Would things have changed? This is a thought that runs through my brain every single day, and while I don’t have an answer, I do know this: my mother would want people to reach out and seek the support they need. Her legacy is to help, and as her only child, I will carry that on. This is why I am here so that if you are reading this and feel as though you may need some form of help, whether you deem it as less severe as what my mother went through or the same more, I am here to tell you that requiring help is the strongest thing one person can do. I hope that we can show Jean Christie the strength within our sessions.

Today on March 4th, 2024, marks the 4th year without my mom. For her Legacy as it has lived on through me, I want to have her live on with all of you who take the next step with me. Christie Heart Psycotherapy is in the memory of Jean Elizabeth Christie who will never truly be gone and never forgotten. My mother gave me a necklace with a quote and I hope it holds true for everyone here. Thank you for reading and I hope we can achieve success for you and Jean Christie

I love you mom

Always remember you are braver than you than you believe stronger than you seem smarter than you think and loved more than you know